Who would’ve thought? I certainly didn’t. The realization came just as I was working my day job while I was still in school. It can happen to anyone at anytime. This isn’t a small decision, and not one most people would accept lightly. I worked the customer service desk at a department store, and there I’d spend my less busy hours delving into the depths of what it meant to be “trans”. I wasn’t very familiar with much of anything relating to LGBT growing up. Sure I had a few gay friends and my partner was bi, but I was completely comfortable at the time as thinking of myself as straight, not even giving a second thought to my gender or sexuality before this moment. I spent months denying it and trying to understand it before eventually coming out to my girlfriend. It was an extremely difficult decision though and the day that I actually came out to her was much later than the date I wanted to because of fear- fear that she wouldn’t accept me. Despite knowing how much my girlfriend loved me, fear hinders so much and can cause us to not think rationally. This huge moment of finally coming out to her ended up being a huge relief as she accepted me. She told me she loves me for who I am, no matter what.

Why did it take me months to accept? Not everyone is accepting of trans people. I myself was well aware of this. I had read many stories of couples splitting up, parents disowning their children, or worse. The fear of this happening to myself was enough for me to constantly seek out reasons I wasn’t trans. I never did find what I was seeking though. The thoughts would leave but would constantly come back. As I read advice to people question, I would see reasons such as “people who aren’t trans don’t constantly question their gender”. It’s a funny thing, proving your gender identity by contradiction. It’s helpful though for minds that are so analytic.

There aren’t always necessarily signs for being trans growing up, and there doesn’t necessarily need to be. For some people, this fact isn’t realized for decades, some realizing as late as in their 50s and 60s. This doesn’t undermine their identity at all. Unfortunately, they never had anything in life come up to help them realize this. If trans discourse was shown more in pop culture, movies and shows, and social media, then people might help realize and understand their identity earlier on.

Friends, family, acquaintances:

I’m proudly announcing that I’m trans. I’m a woman. I’m Cailyn and I use she/her pronouns.

I’ve been transitioning for the past year, slowly coming out to people and I’m very happy to finally publicly come out!

It’s been a very unique experience, and will continue to be. I don’t think everyone understands themselves, and learning to understand yourself is very interesting.

This post puts me in a very vulnerable position, and I ask that whatever your thoughts and feelings are, you would remain respectful.

I will never hide this part of me though. I have spent years unsure and lacking confidence in myself. I have never been happier though since I began transitioning. I have never been happier with the way I look, am perceived, the way I feel about myself. I want to remain visible to those still in the closet, those who cannot come out, and those who need someone to look up to.

There’s nothing wrong with being trans. It took me months to accept this because of the stigma society has put on it. How we’re denied our existence, told we’re wrong or must be a certain way, or straight up attacked. Laws are being passed in states making it illegal to be trans as a minor, and even as an adult. I’m fortunate enough to be in a state that understands and accepts it, but many people are not.

This post is to announce that I no longer go by the name and identity I went by before, but I’m still the same person you all know. Unfortunately, for many people they don’t get the acceptance I ask of you all. I implore you all, if you don’t understand, please accept. If you don’t accept, please educate yourselves. There’s little scientific studies on what it means to be trans, and this is due to how repressed it is in society, how little funding there is, and how hard it is to do studies.

I’m going to reference a few websites that themselves, have references https://www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/ https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/wp-content/uploads/Trans-Pop-Update-Jun-2022.pdf https://www.glaad.org/transgender/transfaq